Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I'm On the Verge of Action...

In my previous post I talked about procrastination and horrified readers into silence by disclosing my pants size and weight. I've always abandoned any effort that felt like effort to get and stay healthy. It's desperate. I am at least 50 pounds overweight - that's like running around everyday with an extra 7 year old. Stuck to my body... You know what? I don't know that kid and I don't like him. It turns out that he won't just get bored and leave on his own while I sit in front of the computer or eat pistachios while watching CSI. I have to do something but so far all I really know for sure is:  

{this is where I could be headed}

{and THIS is a little too far down the road I want to be on}

I'd like to land somewhere waaaaay south of Charming "Little" Ella, up there and just before Fergie's skirt hits the bottom of her cheeks. So if anyone has the slightest idea how the fuck to accomplish that, please do let me know. I am almost ready to gear up to plan to seriously commit to saying I may possibly be leaning towards taking action. Yep... I'm THAT serious. 
Phase One: Getting Ready

The first logical step to starting a healthier lifestyle seems to have been to eat a whole bunch of the stuff I'm going to miss not eating anymore. Does anyone else do this or am I the only fucktard who loads up on junk food before going on a diet? Good bye, Nutty Bars... Thin Mints... I'm done with you. Hello sugar-free Jell-O... I see many nights of Special K for dinner in my future. Saturday, I register for Weight Watchers, and it feels like looking at 6-10 months in lock-up.
So while I haven't been exercising YET, I did craft the most excellent workout playlist. Look!
*If you hate any or all of this, it's OK. You're OK. But I don't care. Save your hate mail for oil companies and people who throw puppies into rivers...
✓ Sure Shot  Beastie Boys
 ✓ So What'cha Want  Beastie Boys
✓ Brass Monkey Beastie Boys
✓ Hey Ladies  Beastie Boys
✓ Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) BeyoncĂ©
✓ Boom Boom Pow  Black Eyed Peas
✓ I Gotta Feeling  Black Eyed Peas
✓ Pump It  Black Eyed Peas
✓ Crazy Bitch  Buckcherry
✓ Darkside (Album Version)  Crazy Town
✓ Only When I'm Drunk (Explicit Album Version)  Crazy Town
✓ Lollipop Porn (Explicit Album Version)  Crazy Town
✓ The State of Massachusetts  Dropkick Murphys
✓ Shake That  Eminem 
✓ Too Funky George Michael
✓ Head over Heels  The Go-Go's
✓ Key West Intermezzo (I Saw You First)  John Mellencamp
✓ Wild Night  John Mellencamp
✓ Gold Digger (Featuring Jamie Foxx)  Kanye West
✓ When the Sun Goes Down  Kenny Chesney
✓ Just Dance  Lady GaGa
✓ Goodbye Kristinia DeBarge
✓ American Woman Lenny Kravitz
✓ One Step Closer  Linkin Park
✓ Bleed It Out  Linkin Park
✓ The World Should Revolve Around Me  Little Jackie
✓ Supermassive Black Hole  Muse
✓ Something In Your Mouth Nickelback
✓ Just a Girl  No Doubt
✓ U + Ur Hand  P!nk
✓ So What  P!nk
✓ Don't Let Me Get Me (Radio Edit) P!nk
✓ Blood Sugar Sex Magik  Red Hot Chili Peppers 
✓ Give It Away  Red Hot Chili Peppers Red Hot Chili Peppers
✓ Pon de Replay (Radio Edit) Rihanna
✓ Living Dead Girl Rob Zombie
✓ Fake It  Seether
✓ Oh Carolina  Shaggy
✓ Caress Me Down  Sublime 
✓ Switch  Will Smith
✓ Lady Marmalade  Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya & Pink
✓ 18 Wheeler  P!nk
✓ Porn Star Dancing (feat. Ludacris) My Darkest Days
✓ Kick In The Teeth  Papa Roach
✓ Hollaback Girl  Gwen Stefani
✓ Rich Girl Gwen Stefani 
✓ It's Tricky  Run-DMC
✓ Raise Your Glass  P!nk
✓ Hey Baby (Drop It to the Floor) Pitbull
✓ Stand Up Ludacris & Shawnna
So there we have it! I'm almost completely ready to start living healthier... pretty much. I mean... you know. Right after I get some new work out clothes and sneakers. THEN.... well, then I'll be ready to jump right into a gym routine. Except on Mondays... 'cause you know... It's Monday. And Saturdays are reserved for the Tornado's basketball games and a seemingly endless string of birthday parties. Wednesdays look good from like 3:30 - 3:40 and I will definitely be able to get in a brisk walk on Thurs.... oops. No... Thursday is the night I actually try to cook for dinner. That's the whole afternoon and evening blown. Hmmm....
You see where this is going, right??

Somebody, please... say something INSPIRING.