Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas Spirit Abounds...

My gift to you: some crappy Christmas poetry

'Tis the week before Christmas and all through the halls,
you can hear distinct sounds of
kids bouncing off walls...
They're all giddy, unfocused, anxious and weird
with everyone wondering: "When will Santa be here?"

It's almost vacation and they've completely
"checked out,"
w h  i n i n g r u n n i n g c r a s h i n g
 'til The SassMaster shouts
That gets their attention for a moment or two
and then it's right back to
chaos times 9+2

Perhaps, "In the lanes, snow is glistening..."
but in preschool, no one's listening.
I'd pull out my hair if I wasn't so delighted
to know that at the end, the tunnel is lighted:
when each little bum scoots out of that door,
they're someone else's problem for 10 days or more!

For you, I wish
full tummies, warm beds and safe arms to hold you,
A little magic, lots of love
 and many stories to be told to you.

As for me,
My couch awaits with a (picture-less!) book and a glass*,
I can almost feel it easing the pain in my ass...
toodle-oo, happy vacation
from the Master of Sass!

And a cheerful anecdote for your amusement:
"Let go of the tree, woman or I'll stick it where the lights won't twinkle!"

The following is the conversation between The Dad and I on our way home from Target where we attempted to finalize the shopping portion of this year's holiday cluster fuck:

Me: So, I got a few things for the boys to wrap up for you, and you have the coffee mug and the flip flop ornament on your dresser that they can decorate for me. Then maybe you could just pick up a gift certificate for me at Barnes and Noble...

The Dad: Maybe I could just give you a coupon that says you can wax my ass for free...

Me: Score! But fair warning, dip shit... if you wake up one of these days clean shaven, with no eye brows you can consider my coupon "redeemed."

Merry Humbug !


  1. My heart is lighter, my shoulders lower, my mouth curved upward - I needed this post! THANK YOU for writing this! I love your crappy poetry!

    Merry Humbug to you!
    P.S. CHEERS! Lifting my glass with you in spirit {and spirits}!!

  2. Oh my gawd! Too funny! I laughed out loud at the conversation between you and Dad. Great post! I totally needed the laugh!

  3. Very funny!! Love it!! If you need help with the waxing let me know ;) love you! Happy Holidays :)

  4. Sounds like mine and Bobbys conversation after leaving Target AND Walmart while trying to be DONE SHOPPING!!!!

  5. I am passing on the Stylish Blogger Award to you! I enjoy your blog and hope others will find and enjoy it too. You always make me laugh outloud and I find myself searching for your next post.
    So, Congratulations you have been awared the STYLISH BLOGGER AWARD!

  6. Came over from Heathers blog, waxing sounds a little harsh though.